Grunt Sculpin

Unh, unh. My coffee can cave, left here by the fan-footed barnacle that made it, fits my body like a tube dress. I wait for food to float by. It always does. Food is so stupid. I guess that's why it's called food. And that's why I eat it, because I am so smart. Unh, unh. I am so smart. My head looks just like the hard-hat on top of the barnacle that built this can. I am very convincing. Hunkered down in here, watching Big and Small with teeth swim by, no one ever mistakes me for their dinner. Unh, unh, slurp! Yep, that's what happens when food floats by. I just slurp it up. Food is so dumb. But tasty!

Unh, unh. Here comes Tony. Tony's been sniffing around my can for days. He's not fooling anyone with those laid back stripes rippling up and down his sides. This is how smart we are, we can talk by flashing dots and stripes on our skin. We don't have to say a word. But since I know you don't understand, I'll translate. My skin changes color to warn him, "I see you. Get outta here. This can is taken buddy." Tony's skin lightens up too, he's still mad from before. So I flash more warnings. "I don't care if you were here last week. You left. It's mine now. I know it's a prime spot. And it was cheap too!" I can say so much with a surge of color.

But Tony is insistent, and he's getting closer. This will not do. Unh, unh. All my skin turns the darkest shade of gray I can muster. I charge out of my can and nip at Tony's pectoral fin. He takes the hint, turns wimpy shades of white and gray
and jets off to sulk in the corner. I turn to strut back to my can. Unh UNH! "NO WAY!" Cynthia is just settling in to my can, her head's a perfect mimic of the barnacle. Her spots are a shrugging shoulder, "You leave it, you lose it." Dang!

I put on a contrite shade of purple with frilly stripes as I scoot over to where Tony is sitting. Tony is looking around like he doesn't notice me. He's spotty, orange and black. "Oh, hey," he says. Unh, unh, I scuff my fin on a rock, "Hi. How's the buffet here?"

"Oh, you know, a little food drifted by a minute ago. It was pretty tasty. A little salty though."